Category Archives: Lists

(they sort of are now)

Going completely against the first law of the internet (if you can imagine it, someone has already made a porn of it) there are a few things that are just Not On The Internet. Here’s a short list of some things I’ve tried and failed to search for recently:

  • A book, based on the poem ‘The Pobble Who Lost His Toes’. After the Pobble loses his toes he has all kinds of adventures with a cat whose whiskers turn red when it can smell poison. There’s a Warlock type person (who may in fact be a sea lion werewolf too) who I believe was a bad guy. He’s staying in the Pobbles aunt’s house (which may be a bed and breakfast type place). I’m pretty sure theres a girl involved and that it ends rather dramatically during a storm in either a sewer or a secret tunnel that leads to the sea .
  • A late 90’s early 00’s Channel 4 summer TV schedule advert series. They were showing a bunch of re-runs (though they may not have been re-runs at that point, hmmm…) of programmes that happened to be about death and funeral homes and the Mafia and so on. It was in the school summer holidays and they called it the ‘Summer of Death’. There were all kinds of pretty animated pictures on the adverts with the words ‘death’ ‘murder’ and a third one I can’t think of right now in pleasant summery fonts that didn’t match the words at all, all done up in hippy colours with flowers and waves and surfboards around them. I managed to cut one out of a magazine and used it in a first year Uni media project so I can just about verify that it wasn’t all some kind of hallucination. Sadly they didn’t let me have the picture back after the project.
  • Mornflake Crispy Crunch breakfast cereal. It was a little like Country Crisp but not as fancy. I distinctly remember the back of the packet starting with ‘The perfect way to start your day. Mornflake…’ because as a 9 year old I used to like to pretend it was the first installment of a story that they’d eventually print the next chapter of. I’d read it out to my brother as though assorted bits were dialogue and it would all get very dramatic.

I wonder how much else is out there, and how much more important it is than this stuff, and  I wonder what will happen to it.

I can hear myself now. ‘Back in my day, sometimes you could think of something and then you’d Google it and it Wouldn’t Be There.’

If anyone (my 3 dear readers) knows where I can find these things, in particular the book, I would rather appreciate it.