The first time I failed, it was about four days in and I genuinely didn’t realise that my mead-flavoured-wine would be made with actual honey.

The second time I failed, it was still less than a week in and someone leaned over the top of my desk at work with a bag of Milky Way Chocolate Stars. I grabbed a handful and stuffed them into my face because I don’t like it when strangers ask me about Bingo games because I don’t KNOW anything about Bingo games.

Third time: “Wait, Pesto has CHEESE in it??? ”

Then I spent about a week thoroughly pleased with my new discoveries of hazelnut milk, soya creme caramel and aduki bean kievs. Twice I was making Cheese sandwiches for Steve, the cheese made it all the way to my mouth and I stopped myself at the very last second. I made it through the worst day yet; if I was EVER going to deliberately give in and stuff ‘real’ food into my mouth it would be the time I went to the Chinese supermarket at two in the afternoon, yet still before lunch. Bacon and Spring Onion brioche twisty things? Assorted pastries? Seafood Party noodles? Various delicious sauces to tip on tofu that have STUPID SHRIMP in them? Chocolate Pocky?

Despite all this I made it! I survived by making a Sriracha Udon thing. Then I felt better. Fully committed to being a Vegan for another 21 days. I even commented that I was more than half way, and plotted some delicious Artichoke Risotto for dinner.Then I got distracted in Costa and forgot that the coffee was for Steve and that I needed another coffee-type product for me. I was busy reading the back of all the crisps and settling on ‘Carrot and Beetroot’ so they ACTUALLY SAID VEGAN on them.

I was so distracted by this that I ordered a coffee and a hot chocolate, both with Soya Milk because a little bit of my brain was working.

Then I drank the Hot Chocolate. Made with Chocolate. Milk Chocolate.

So I’m the WORST Vegan ever.

Still got 21 days left. Still gonna do it, all the way to the end. Not going to get £10 prize.

But that’s okay.


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